Healed by His Secret Baby Page 8

  And then the guilt had set in. Of course it had! It was his constant companion.

  It had plagued him for ages, keeping him solitary, keeping him alone. He’d not let any relationships happen. He’d had the occasional date when he’d felt lonely. But his one and only true diversion had been Skye, and after that he had battled with the voice inside him, telling him that he should never have done it.

  He had been the perfect gentleman since then. Just wanting the pleasure of a woman’s company, the conversation without the complications.

  Friendship was all he had ever been after. And yet here he was in one of the most complicated situations he’d ever faced!

  Lane affected him in a way he’d never thought would be possible again. And he didn’t know how to feel about it. It would be so easy to let their relationship happen. He could have the family he’d dreamed of for years.

  His body, his heart, wanted that.

  But his logical mind screamed at him to stay away.

  Which would win? He didn’t know, and it was a delicious agony as he drove to Weston with Lane by his side, knowing she was close and that they had the whole day together.

  He wanted to give her anything she wanted today. He didn’t want the day to be bittersweet, though he supposed it would be, no matter how hard he tried. He wasn’t Skye. He never would be. But he was determined to give her the best birthday she had ever had.

  ‘What do you want to do first when we get there?’

  She sighed. ‘I want to see the sea. It was the first thing Skye and I would always do. We’d go to the promenade, kick off our shoes and run across the beach and paddle in the water.’

  ‘Even today?’ It was a little overcast. Not the perfect day for the beach, he had to admit.

  She nodded. ‘Even today.’

  ‘Okay. And then what?’

  She laughed. ‘The funfair to play on the games and win cuddly toys.’

  ‘We can do that. I used to be a dab hand at those grabby things.’

  ‘Me too! We ought to have a competition. See who can win the most!’

  He smiled. ‘All right, you’re on. First one to ten doesn’t have to buy the fish and chips.’

  ‘But they do get to buy the ice-cream.’

  He grinned and nodded. ‘Favourite flavour?’

  ‘Mint choc-chip.’

  ‘Mine too!’ He laughed, enjoying how easy it was to talk to her even without Tori there.

  He’d worried about that. Thought they would have nothing to say to one another. His daughter was the one thing they shared, but without her he and Lane were practically strangers to one another really.

  ‘Have you ever been to Weston before?’ she asked.

  ‘Once—for a medical conference. But I was stuck inside a seafront hotel for the whole day, so I never really got to see it properly—though it was all lit up at night when I left.’

  ‘I guess you’re used to going overseas for holidays?’

  He shook his head. ‘Not always. We went to Scotland once. Spent a weekend in Dublin—though I don’t remember too much about that one!’ He laughed again. ‘What about you?’

  ‘My mum always took me to the seaside each year. Skegness. Yarmouth. The Isle of Wight one year. I’ve never really travelled.’

  ‘Why not?’

  She shook her head. ‘I’ve just never had the opportunity and...um...when I met Simon he was always working.’

  He heard the way she said his name. The hesitation before. The emphasis. This Simon had meant something to her. ‘A boyfriend?’

  She glanced at him and nodded her head. ‘Unfortunately.’

  ‘Should I change the subject, or...?’

  He didn’t want to push, even though he was desperate to know more about her. What made her tick? And why had her relationship been unfortunate?

  ‘No. We can talk about it.’ She let out a sigh. ‘It started as it always does. I thought he was my Prince Charming and in the end it turned out he was just a toad I should have thrown back into the scum-filled pond.’

  ‘Ouch! How long were you together?’

  ‘A year.’

  ‘It was serious, then?’

  ‘The first few months were bliss. Or my infatuation made me think it was bliss. He was handsome. Charming. Delightful to everyone. I asked him to move in with me, because I hated being apart from him, and he kept saying that we were inseparable. It was what I wanted to hear. That someone couldn’t live without me. I wanted to believe him, but I was already making too many excuses for his behaviour without realising I was doing it.’

  He listened. Not just to the words, but to the tone in which they were said. Her voice said so much that her words didn’t.

  ‘I had a job in a nursing home at the time. It was stressful...caring for elderly people with dementia. But it wasn’t them—it was the new management that came in that really made it tough. Simon didn’t like how much I talked about it when I came home, but I was only trying to blow off steam. I needed him to listen and he didn’t want to.’

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘Skye got sick. I’d been so wrapped up in Simon, so engrossed by what I thought was love, that I hadn’t been seeing her as often, even though she was coping with pregnancy by then. He didn’t like me spending time with her, but when she got diagnosed halfway through her pregnancy I just knew I had to be there for her.’

  Cole nodded. ‘You were best friends.’

  ‘Exactly. But Simon hated it that someone else had my attention.’

  ‘What happened?’

  ‘I began going with Skye to her hospital appointments. That often meant we were out for hours. I hardly saw Simon, and when we did see each other we argued. He kept telling me he needed me, too, but he wasn’t sick, or scared the way Skye was. And then she was told it was inoperable, that the cancer had spread, and she told me her plans about wanting me to be her baby’s guardian.’

  ‘What did Simon have to say about that?’

  She laughed bitterly, shaking her head. ‘He wasn’t best pleased. Looking after someone else’s baby? He didn’t want to be a father. He could never be that selfless. When he discovered I’d already agreed we had a massive fight and he gave me an ultimatum. Him, or Skye and the baby.’

  Cole was shocked. He didn’t know what to say.

  ‘She had no one but me she could turn to, and no one should ever have to die alone.’

  He thought about Andrea. She had died alone.

  ‘Why didn’t Skye tell me? That she was pregnant?’ he asked.

  ‘She didn’t think it was right to tell you. It had been a one-night stand—she couldn’t imagine rocking up to your doorstep and telling you she was pregnant, and then telling you that she wouldn’t live long enough to see her baby grow up. So she made a decision. Whether it was right or wrong, we can’t change that now.’

  ‘I would have liked to know her more.’

  ‘You would?’

  ‘Yes. She sounds like a very caring friend. A gentle soul.’

  ‘She was.’

  ‘I’m sorry this Simon hurt you. You deserve better than that.’

  ‘Thanks.’

  They were both quiet for a while. The signs to Weston promenade were now showing on the road as they got closer and closer.

  It hurt him to know that Lane had been in such a terrible relationship. If he had been her friend back then, and he’d heard what this Simon had done, he would have gone round there and... What? Punched the guy?

  Maybe... He wasn’t a violent man, but he would have liked to defend her and let this Simon know in no uncertain terms just how low a life-form he was. He’d certainly sounded like a giant idiot. Selfish and unthinking. He could never treat a woman in such a way.

  ‘Let’s forget Simon. Forget ovarian cancer and death and celebrate life. Your life.
Your birthday. What do you say?’

  She smiled at him and gave a single nod. ‘Let’s do it!’

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  ‘READY?’

  She beamed a smile at him. It was cold, and the wind was blowing hard now they stood on the exposed beach. It was even beginning to spit a little with rain. ‘I am!’

  She took her hand in his. ‘Then let’s go!’

  They began running across the sand, the coarseness of it squelching softly between their toes. Some parts were firmer underfoot than others as they ran towards the sea that coursed towards them in low, frothy waves. As their toes hit the icy-cold water Lane squealed at the temperature, hopping over the low waves, water splashing up her legs, before they both stood there panting and staring out to sea.

  She felt so amazing! So alive and...

  As she stared out to sea, reminding herself that she did not have Skye by her side for the first time ever, she felt tears prick her eyes. Inhaling deeply, determined not to cry, she gazed out across the churning water and wondered if Skye was looking down at her, wishing she could be there, too.

  She felt Cole squeeze her hand and she glanced at him in thanks. But he was gazing out at the water, too, as if he knew she needed this moment to remember her friend. Needed this moment to shed a solitary tear because a new chapter in her life had begun. Without her best friend by her side.

  Instead she had Cole by her side.

  Who knew that he would be this great?

  She remembered how she’d felt that morning a few weeks ago, sitting outside Liberty Point Surgery, not wanting to go in, because she’d felt sure she would find nothing but another greaseball. A charmer, like Simon, who used women for his own selfish needs.

  Cole was nothing like that. And he’d proved time and time again that he was caring and kind.

  The fact that he was handsome and attractive too...

  She smiled. How could she hold that against him?

  He was so easy to be with, and she liked it that he was holding her hand, supporting her, doing this with her. Making sure her birthday was still a day to remember. He’d not wanted her to be alone on her special day and that meant something.

  ‘I’m glad you’re here with me, Cole,’ she said.

  He turned to look at her, the wind ruffling the top of his hair. ‘I’m glad, too.’

  ‘It’s cold, it’s spitting with rain, and my feet feel like ice, but that doesn’t matter.’

  He smiled at her.

  She loved his smile.

  She went up on tiptoe again, to plant a kiss on his cheek as a thank-you. And there she paused, breathing in the scent of salt against his skin, the slight dampness of his hair, the way he held her against him. She pulled back slightly, looking into his eyes, not sure what she was doing or whether it was wise.

  He looked back at her. Did he want her to kiss him? She thought so. She hoped so. But what if it complicated matters? What they had between them was good at the moment—why confuse matters by kissing him? What if it all went wrong?

  She smiled uncertainly and took a step back.

  Did he seem relieved? Or upset? She couldn’t tell.

  ‘Let’s go back,’ she said.

  He nodded. ‘Sure.’

  They didn’t run back. They walked. Still hand in hand.

  She relished the contact. The heat of his skin. The strength of his grip. It was almost as if he was saying, Don’t worry. I’ve got you. I won’t let you go. She felt safe. Protected by this tall man at her side. She almost didn’t want to get back to the promenade, because then she would have to let go of his hand to put on her shoes again. She even slowed her walk so that it would take longer.

  Reluctantly, she let go and sat on the wall, so she could brush the sand off her feet and put on her shoes.

  He did the same, and then—oh, yes!—he held out his hand for hers and they walked towards the arcade.

  * * *

  They sat in the seated area of the fish and chip shop, eating their food, as outside the rain poured in a torrent.

  Thankfully, inside it was warm, the air filled with the scent of food and salt and vinegar, and they both filled their bellies with perfectly cooked chips and the crispy thick batter around perfect pieces of meaty cod.

  ‘Why is it that fish and chips always tastes better at the seaside?’ Lane asked.

  ‘I don’t know. I’m sure there’s a suitably confusing mathematical equation, researched by experts after years of study to explain it, but I’m just going to accept the fact that it does.’ Cole smiled and dipped a chip into a small pot of ketchup.

  Beside them sat a bag of sixteen cuddly toys that they had won from the arcades, and Lane was still quite pleased that she’d made it to ten before he had. They were cheap and tacky, but they’d been fun to get, and she was looking forward to taking them home and putting them in the hammock she had on the wall in Tori’s room.

  ‘I’m having a great birthday—thank you.’

  ‘Hey, my pleasure—and it’s not over yet.’

  ‘No?’

  ‘No! There’s ice-creams to have, and then there’s a ride that I think we should go on.’

  She almost stopped eating. ‘A ride?’

  She’d never really liked rollercoasters. She’d ridden some quite tame ones...gone on a log flume once or twice...and she had hated the feeling in her stomach when they had dropped over the side and splashed her with cold water at the bottom.

  ‘After all this food? Is that wise?’

  ‘We’ll be fine. Honest. I’ll look after you.’

  ‘You’d better.’

  He smiled. ‘Trust me.’

  The rain had begun to clear as they walked towards the funfair. Lane bit her lip, wondering what ride Cole wanted to take her on and what excuse she could use to get out of it!

  Part of her wanted to be brave and trust him, but another part of her told her she’d been on enough crazy rides in her lifetime and didn’t really need to go on one more!

  But she didn’t want to be a spoilsport. And she didn’t want to ruin the day the way she had once when she’d gone to a fair with Simon and he’d called her a Sulky Sue for not going on a giant rollercoaster.

  So she walked beside Cole, her arm slipped inside his, and as they walked through the stalls where you could shoot at playing cards, or hook ducks, or throw darts at balloons she tried to lose herself in the traditional British seaside atmosphere—the noise, the aroma of candy floss and toffee apples and hot dogs with fried onions.

  She saw a waltzer, a gentler teacup ride, a big wheel and a helter-skelter. Which ride was he taking her to? The Crazy Mouse? The Robo-Coaster?

  ‘Here we go.’

  She looked ahead in disbelief. ‘The Ghost Train?’

  He laughed at the look on her face. ‘What did you think I was going to take you on? I can’t even manage a carousel without wanting to throw up, and this is meant to be the scariest ghost train in the country!’

  She shook her head and then rested it against his arm, feeling a world of relief. ‘I can do a ghost train.’

  ‘Let’s sit at the front.’

  And she laughed again as eagerly, like a child, he clambered into the front car and held out his hand to help her in. She sat beside him and he lowered the bar, securing them into place.

  The ride attendant came by and took payment, checked their safety bar and then went to check on the others.

  ‘You like scary rides, huh?’ she asked.

  ‘Gotta get that adrenaline rush somehow.’

  She slipped her arm into his. ‘I’ll take care of you.’

  ‘You’d better. I need to drive us home, and I won’t be able to do that if I’m traumatised.’

  The car slowly began to move forward.

  Clack-clack.

  From behind the dark doo
rs that slowly opened in front of them they heard howls and ghost noises. Lane reached for Cole’s hand and squeezed it as they passed into darkness.

  The car twisted to the right, then to the left as skeletons and scary zombies suddenly screeched into the light, looming over them.

  Lane gasped, and laughed, and then the car spun crazily to the left again, clattered through more dark doors, and there was an evil clown holding a bunch of burst balloons and reaching for them with spiky teeth. There was a crack of thunder and a flash of lightning and the car was yanked right and propelling them into a tunnel of cobwebs that brushed their faces and made them jump.

  She leaned into Cole, laughing, and he leaned towards her. And then everything went dark and the car dipped down a metre or so, making their stomachs plummet, before lifting again as a ghost screeched right in their faces.

  She turned to face Cole, to laugh with him, to enjoy this with him, and saw that he was gazing at her, his face full of joy. Suddenly the scary ride was forgotten. The flashes of light, the plunging into darkness, the pretend gore and blood—all gone.

  All there was, was Cole. Beyond him the darkness flared with light, and there were figures, but she didn’t know what. Didn’t want or need to focus on them because of the way he was looking at her. His face flickered in the light, shade and shadow, and his eyes were intense as they gazed back at her...

  And suddenly they were back in daylight and the ride had stopped.

  His lips touched hers.

  She deepened the kiss, welcoming the feel of his tongue in her mouth, allowing herself this moment that she had craved for so long, forgetting all the complicated issues that came with it, forgetting all the cruelty that had befallen them both and not caring whether this was sensible or not. Whether this was wise. All that mattered was him, and the feel of him in her arms, and the fact that right at that moment she didn’t want anything else at all.

  ‘Excuse me, can I get on?’

  A child’s voice broke the spell and they pulled apart. Her cheeks were flushed. She felt breathless and unsure of what to say. The adrenaline in her body wasn’t from the ride at all, but from Cole.

  The safety bar snapped back and he took her hand and helped her out of the car. They stood there for a moment, staring at each other, not knowing what to say...